i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
