Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize