whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
