His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
