this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
