i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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