That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
