just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize