Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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