I'm so fucking centered right now
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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