I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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