I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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