you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
