i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
