ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
