I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
