We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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