It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
