Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
