I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
