I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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