I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
