Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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