While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You can't just leave with hair like that
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
