Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize