Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
