I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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