Having a random hookup so left but love u
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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