I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize