writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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