I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
