One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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