just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
