We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
