If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
