I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
