Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
