I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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