M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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