I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
