she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
