She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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