Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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