how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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