If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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