Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
