Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
