Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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