Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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