I'm jealous of your bromance
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
