Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
