im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
