First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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