I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
