so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize