I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
