Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
