I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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