I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
