Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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