dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
