You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
