We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
