His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
