she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Randomize
