Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
