i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
