He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
there is glitter all over my balls
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
