I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
