You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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