The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
