well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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