Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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