farters have to be the big spoon...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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