Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
